An Ode To My Family

I miss my secondary school buddies.
I miss 4-2.
I miss Paul Lee complaining about how 4-2 is damn slack, even though deep down he loves us all.
I miss Steven Quay's foreboding speeches about our doomed futures, followed by him trying to stifle his laughter when one of us replies with a retarded comment.
I miss doing countless hours of CIP punishment such as scrubbing tables and picking rubbish in Cat High.

Cat High is the bomb.

There was a drinking night at Russell's house yesterday.
AWESOME, excluding the fact that all the SAJC people have finished their promos, leaving me, the only CJ guy there who turned up, who has yet to even START his promos.
Met up with all the SAJC retards. Dog Wong, Toon Kwa, Guai Lan, Vicky Loh, Qian Qian and newcomer Dao Ming who is still alien with the Cat High ways.
Got reminded by them of the retardeds things i used to do. THE AIR-GUITAR MINAH MAGNET.
Followed by indian poker, loser drinks 4 shots of Bourbon Coke. I got jacked like 3 times in a row and had to down a hell lot, my stomach felt like shit after that and i did 50 pumping to backout of the game because the last 4 shots were on the rocks. Kyla kept humping my leg and stopped me from doing pumping for the first few minutes, however the moment the cameras came out, she stopped and walked off.
Kyla is Russell's dog.

Im sure going to fail promos at this rate.

F1 ACCIDENT OHMYGOD.

OH MY GOD
F1 ACCIDENT.
SOMEONE CALL THE AMBULANCE

post birthday celebration

i got taupok-ed like 4 times over yesterday
face-caked like 3 times
went to bathe during recess as my whole uniform was made of cake.
got spotted by LUCY for ponning chinese.
whip cream down my shorts after school.
scored a wad of wet tissue paper on waye shyang's sleeve.

apparently they wanted to dump me in the school pond, so i planned to pack my bag and make a run for it after chem lecture.
unfortunately, Foo came to look for me and gave a bunch of us suspension for skipping chinese, there goes my escape plan... well maybe i can make an escape attempt after suspension right?
WRONG. it turns out Han Xun and the rest got suspended for skipping school the day before also, and they attended suspension with me (everything always seems to work out for them)

luckily, i manged to convince them to spare me today since i didnt bring a change of clothes and they were going to dunk me tomorrow instead... something which is impossible since im skipping school hahaha.

birthday itinerary

here is my predicted itinerary for tomorrow.
A.M
7.00 - 7.30 beg the old man to drive me to school (bring like 2 extra set of clothes)
7.30 - 8.00 get reminded by everybody how i am gonna be owned after school (and supposed "surprise!" from cat high gang)
8.00 - 10.00 start praying that people who are out to get me suffer from a sudden lapse of amnesia and totally forget what day it is.
10.00 - 11.00 break time, get cake smashed in my face, dumped down my pants, thrown down my shirt. etc.
11.00 - 12.00 skip lesson to clean up. (or i can just sit in econs smeared with pastry)
P.M
12.00 - 2.00 start hoping that people suffer amnesia again (2nd times the charm right?), start packing my bag in hopes of making a futile getaway.
2.00 - ???? school ends. hell begins.
1) class taupok with me forming the base
2) meeting at PAC (forced), standard birthday ritual. R.A.P.E - Rip Apart Person's Ego
3) placed inside school dustbin
4) dumped in pond
5) walk back to class before initiating RAPE ritual again
6) while cleaning up, RAPE occurs for 1 more time.
7) GO HOME OHMYGOD. HOME NEVER SOUNDED SO FUN BEFORE.

i love my life =D.

the war against endless waves of feces

the young man stood strong.
clad in blue jeans and an orange shirt... he waited patiently, his gaze falling upon the clear blue sky...
this was it.... it was his moment to shine...
the sky swiftly changed to a blood red colour... murderous clouds filled the air... a horrible stench washed over our young man... nearly making him retch.
with no form of warning, the first wave fell...
wave after wave, a never-ending calamity, an unforgiving tide. Torrential rains assaulted our young man... torrential rains of... POOP.
he dodged and he strafed. "to the left! to the left!" he cried, very much like Beyonce.
our young man was quick on his feet... his footwork would have made Maria Sharapova erupt into fits of ecstasy...
however all that went through his mind were.. "WHAT IN THE WORLD DID THIS BASTARD EAT..."
for a split second... concentration slipped out of his grasp, he glanced towards the reel of ever changing numbers above him...
and that was all it took...

that was when.. it struck him... square in the face... right between the eyeballs...
he fell flat on his bum, consciousness slowly fading away...
he spoke out loud.. "is this the end? am i *mmmppff*..." he was sadly interrupted as yet another round struck him again, this time silencing him for good...

too much poo rain ohmygod. this is addictive.

the end of psychedelic rock?

"In my view, all the greatest Pink Floyd moments are the ones where he is in full flow. No-one can replace Richard Wright - he was my musical partner and my friend." He added: "In the welter of arguments about who or what was Pink Floyd, Rick's enormous input was frequently forgotten. He was gentle, unassuming and private but his soulful voice and playing were vital, magical components of our most recognised Pink Floyd sound. Like Rick, I don't find it easy to express my feelings in words, but I loved him and will miss him enormously. I have never played with anyone quite like him."

David Gilmour.

Is this the end?

Rest In Peace,
Richard Wright

you can just walk over it?....

my nose is leaking
my throat is burning
my head is throbbing
my ears are ringing
i felt like i haven't took a bath in 10 years
basically, a hobo on drugs

this sucks

how can it be possible for someone to take a nap and wake up with a hangover? i haven't touched that shit in like a week...
to sum it all up, i have used up almost 8 packets of tissue in school today. came home as soon as possible and took a 3 hour nap, only to wake up feeling like aliens have abducted me while i was sleeping and implanted a non-stop humming piece of cockadookie inside my head.

nice one tedmond, you dirty fuckin' sewer infested rat shit... you're gonna end up in orientation 2009...
i know... i know...

END-ucation

we don't need no EDUCATION.
we don't need no THOUGHT CONTROL.
dark SARCASM in the classroom.
HEY! TEACHERS! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE!

corruption to our minds? WHY do you feed us so? the craven few seek POWER and as we FUEL THEIR LIES, aren't we nothing but facades to their cowardice?
as spoonfuls of noxious and scheming ideas are FORCED down our compliant throats, what becomes of us? brain-washed? what difference is this from dictatorship?
we are but a conformist nation, and only one thing paves this infectious road.
END-UCATION.

Pink Floyd is the bomb.

I AM THE ANTI-CHoice

police-state terrorism?
SINGAPORE.
the amassment of murderous high-tech toys.
violent unilaterlality.
BLAME THE GOVERNMENT.
dogma dubya.
corporate.com imperialism.
SINS OF THE MORAL MAJORITY.

conformist bitch! descend! down the corporate workline. CONFORM. for you are naught but puppets pulled by strings.

are we not victims to the anti-choice? complacent consent overtaking our systems?

ARE WE NOT ALL ENVOYS OF FALSE PRETENSE? EMISSARIES OF SLAVERY? DIPLOMATS OF DOMINATION?
deterioration of our inner sanctum. the time has come. has it not?



apparently, i have rediscovered the pleasures of listening to KMFDM after a pissing day in school.
oh, as i was standing at the class doorway today, the class clock somehow managed to detach itself from the wall and plummeted towards the floor 10 cm away from me and erupted into an explosion of glass and plastic.
after picking it up, the clock decided to work for another 20 seconds before dying within my embrace. feeling much like the doctors from ER, i decided to save the clocks life. how?
as everyone knows, when all else fails, mindless punching solves issues beyond all forms of comprehension.
despite my greatest effort, the clock travelled towards the light and i was unable to change its sad fate (no more actor role for me in ER)
oh well, aren't we all the anti-choice?

today is 11/9. all hail American conspiracy.

spdf

heres another go on msn


spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
heloo!
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
kelly
Kelllllllly says:
yes
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
what homework is there ah?
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
qingyun dao me =(
Kelllllllly says:
erh. i not sure
Kelllllllly says:
i think got eng essay
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
i do already. hardworking =)
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
what else?
Kelllllllly says:
okay, i dont know
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
you donch want to tell me right?
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
wah lao
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
i knew it
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
you guys don't like me
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
T_T
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
WHY
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
REPLY
Kelllllllly says:
huh
Kelllllllly says:
erh no lah
Kelllllllly says:
haha i really dont know
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
T_T
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
no
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
you all always talk behind mai backs!
Kelllllllly says:
huh?
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
WHY
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
dont faake larh!!1
Kelllllllly says:
huhhhhhhh?
Kelllllllly says:
what
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
i hate 1t22 =(
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
why you like that?!
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
tell me the homework larrhs!!11!
Kelllllllly says:
i dont know
Kelllllllly says:
bitch
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
WHY
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
you know!
Kelllllllly says:
srsly
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
T_T
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
no
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
you dont want to tell me!
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
why!
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
why you diiscriminatesh me!
Kelllllllly says:
omg
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
WHY t_t
Kelllllllly says:
yesi m not going to tell yoou
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
now you dont even bellief i am shupei
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
whats wrong with you guys
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
fucking bitch!
Kelllllllly says:
im wrong
Kelllllllly says:
so i dont believe you
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
its you who make me sooh emoes!!!
Kelllllllly says:
yes shu pei call me a fking bitch
Kelllllllly says:
i know
Kelllllllly says:
i read your blog
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
whattever larhs
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
stalker >.>
Kelllllllly says:
yeah okay
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
read myy blogs
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
i never even links youu
Kelllllllly says:
yes
Kelllllllly says:
i know
Kelllllllly says:
i lock my blog
Kelllllllly says:
haha
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
i dont care
Kelllllllly says:
aye, you should sleep soon bitch
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
my life more interestings than yours
Kelllllllly says:
its 1130
Kelllllllly says:
tmr got test
Kelllllllly says:
i know
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
i confirm full marks
Kelllllllly says:
thats why i always go read
Kelllllllly says:
so exciting
Kelllllllly says:
i know
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
ahhhhhh!!11
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
ok
Kelllllllly says:
i sat beside you for the physics test
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
you know what
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
ai ya
Kelllllllly says:
what
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
you guys so lame
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
why am i wasting my time talking to you?
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
i very pretty
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
i am xiao long nu
Kelllllllly says:
i know, but i prettier
Kelllllllly says:

Kelllllllly says:
ben is yang guo
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
hahahaa
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
so cutexx rightsxx!
Kelllllllly says:
i know
Kelllllllly says:
hahha
Kelllllllly says:
I LIKE ALSO
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
=(
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
=[
Kelllllllly says:
dont be sad
Kelllllllly says:
he likes you more


and something else that kind of failed...

spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
hello
benedict says:
joke la tedmond
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
fuck…
spdf - shu pei damn funny says:
-_-

HELP I AM A SWEDISH SCIENTIST!

as i was utterly bored to bits today, i decided to carry out a little experiment on some random dude whose nickname on MSN wasn't that hard to type out.
society is bursting to the brim with skeptics, hardly anyone they can trust it seems.
(bolded font is me )

As We Immolate says:
greetings
As We Immolate says:
attention stranger
As We Immolate says:
i require your help
As We Immolate says:
dude
As We Immolate says:
what the fuck?
As We Immolate says:
hello
As We Immolate says:
could you listen to me?
As We Immolate says:
you have my display name exactly?
As We Immolate says:
my name is Asbjorn Von Halenburg
As We Immolate says:
i am a 27 year old swedish scientist stuck in your computer
As We Immolate says:
lol
As We Immolate says:
ok sure
As We Immolate says:
i was experimenting on the space time continum
As We Immolate says:
a tear occured and i was stuck within cyberspace
As We Immolate says:
please you need to help me
As We Immolate says:
i have a wife and 2 kids
As We Immolate says:
this is not a prank
As We Immolate says:
hello?
As We Immolate says:
dude
As We Immolate says:
seirously
As We Immolate says:
what man?
As We Immolate says:
tedmond
As We Immolate says:
i know it's you
As We Immolate says:
i am not the tedmond you speak of
As We Immolate says:
please
As We Immolate says:
i really need your help
As We Immolate says:
this is not a joke please
As We Immolate says:
if you do not trust me
As We Immolate says:
read the newspapers tomorow
As We Immolate says:
a swedish scientist has been missing for the past 9 days
As We Immolate says:
i shall await your reply soon
As We Immolate says:
lol
As We Immolate says:
sure
As We Immolate says:
ok


so for any of you swedish scientists stuck out there in cyberspace due to a tear in the space-time continuum (whatever that is...) and are trying to seek help from random people on MSN. too bad, you're out of luck =/.

HEAR ME HOWL.

this is awesome.

on the 6th of september at 3am in the morning, i had a sudden urge to make a blog. it must be pretty meaningful to have such an epiphany when the person next to you is sprawling on the floor drunk and having two others watching the US open women's tennis semi-finals and while i'm struggling to keep my eyelids opened.

all these aside... its a few weeks away from the promotional exams. results expected? U-ltimate =)